


Agency Chat

by arifs_shopgirl



Category: Lockwood & Co. - Jonathan Stroud
Genre: (he’s going to Area 51 don’t tell Lucy), (maybe? Not sure about what time period the books are in), 21st Century AU, Case, Cell Phones, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, F/M, Holly is the only reason stuff gets done, Humor, Kipps plays detective, Lockwood isn’t smooth, Modern Era, Modern technology, There’s actual plot between the shenanigans, basically they have cell phones, chat fic, it’s teen and up for the swearing that’s it, kinda OOC, lots of swearing, skully finds reddit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2019-10-26 11:26:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17745068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arifs_shopgirl/pseuds/arifs_shopgirl
Summary: Basically just a chat made for them to discuss agency business.  Not that it ever happens, but that’s what it was made for (it was Holly’s idea).  A lot of shit happens.





	1. A New Member

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING  
> There is swearing! You have been warned!
> 
> ok this is kind of ooc (but it’s for comedic purposes). This chapter is kind of short, but they get longer I promise! Hope you enjoy!

[12:56 am]  
**Lucy** added **ItsSkullyBitch** to the group chat

[3:26 am]  
**Lockwood:** George...  
**Lockwood:** why is the skull in my bed?  
**Lockwood:** ...  
**Lockwood:** get ur fireable ass in the chat  
**George:** what?  
**George:** i was on a donut run  
**Lucy:** George...  
**Lucy:** it’s 3 am  
**Lucy:** wHY THE FUCK ARE YOU GETTING DONUTS?!?!?  
**George:** bc i was hungry?  
**Lucy:** 😑  
**Kipps:** shut up  
**Kipps:** it’s too late for this shit  
**Lockwood:** are we just ignoring me now?  
**George:** its never too late for donuts.  
**Lucy:** early, George  
**Lucy:** EARLY  
**George:** whatever  
**Lockwood:** wow ok  
**Lockwood:** you know im your boss, right?  
**Kipps:** pf not mine  
**Lucy:** oH SHIT  
**George:** HE PULLED THE BOSS CARD  
**George:** iM s O sC a Re D  
**Lockwood:** thats it both your biscuit privileges are revoked  
**George:** F U C K  
**Lockwood:** *and donut  
**George:** nO  
**George:** YOU WOULDNT  
**Lockwood:** lUCY YOURE FORGIVEN  
**George:** w H A T  
**George:** WHY  
**Lockwood:** SHE JUST WALKED PAST AND  
**Lockwood:** DID YOU SEE HER PJS  
**Lockwood:** THEYR BLUE  
**Lockwood:** I’m actually cryinh  
**Lockwood:** sHES SO PRTETY  
**Kipps:** lmao  
**Kipps:** ur so whipped  
**Lockwood:** AND GHE CUT OF THE NECKLINE  
**Lockwood:** i have a new background  
**Lockwood:** how soon can I get a picture printed in poster size?  
**Holly:** She’s blushing so hard.  
**Lucy:** werent we talking about the skull?  
**Lucy:** lets do that some more.  
**Lockwood:** tHATS RIGHT  
**Lockwood:** GEORGE  
**Lockwood:** get back here  
**George:** yes, my strong, courageous leader?  
**Lockwood:** the time for sucking up has long passed  
**Lockwood:** wHY IS THE SKULL IN MY BED  
**George:** ummm,,,  
**Lockwood:** I’m waiting...  
**George:** well you see...  
**George:** I got bored  
**George:** and was in your bed for... reasons  
**Lockwood:** wHAT REASONS?  
**George:** reasons...  
**Lockwood:** tELL ME  
**Kipps:** yes george, do tell  
**George:** testing the effectiveness of a pillow as an ectoplasm shield  
**Holly:** What about your own pillows?  
**George:** they have...um...factors that may have interfered with the experiment  
**Lockwood:** if any of my pillows have ectoplasm stains I will kill you.  
**George:** no no it’s fine  
**George:** the ghost was uncooperative  
**Lockwood:** fine, then what happened?  
**George:** well  
**George:** then your bed was so soft...  
**George:** and I may have, maybe,,,  
**George:** fallen asleep?  
**George:** and forgotten about the skull when I woke up  
**Lockwood:** well now im in bed and there is an OLD, MOLDY SKULL IN MY SHEETS  
**Lockwood:** and an EVIL GHOST LEERING AT ME  
**Lockwood:** Lucy im bringing it to your room  
**Lucy:** ok  
**Kipps:** oooh  
**Kipps:** want to see those _sexy_ pjs again?  
**Lockwood:** wHAT  
**Lockwood:**  no  
**Lockwood:** definitely not  
**Holly:** Guys, please go to sleep. We have an important client coming over tomorrow and have to look respectable and not sleep deprived.  
**Kipps:** ur not the boss of me  
**Lucy:** ur not the boss of me  
**ItsSkullyBitch** ur not the boss of me  
**Lockwood:** WHO IS THAT  
**Lockwood:** HOW DID YOU GET ON HERE  
**ItsSkullyBitch** pf scroll up  
**Lockwood:** Lucy...  
**Lockwood:** WHAT DID YOU DO  
**Lucy:** I DIDNT DO ANYTHING  
**Lucy:** IT WASNT ME I SWEAR  
**Lucy:** LOOK AT THE TIME STAMP I WAS ON THE CASE WITH YOU  
**Lucy:** I LEFT MY PHONE IN MY ROOM NEXT TO THE SKULL  
**Lucy:** oH  
**Lucy:** OH NO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Updates will be posted at least weekly!  
> Edit 7/23/19: (but not rly bc I’m lazy whoops one’s coming soon I promise)
> 
> Ok reading through this again I noticed the timeline in this chapter is kind of confusing but basically the skull had already gotten the phone and stylus before this chapter and stashed them somewhere, Lucy left her phone by the skull before they left for the case (George stayed home and did the pillow experiment) and Lockwood got to Lucy’s room, dropped off the skull, and left before he sent the messages about not wanting to see the pjs again so Lucy was alone with the Skull.


	2. Lucy takes an unwanted “What Dog Breed are You” Quiz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flo finally makes an appearance!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2! Hope you like it!

[3:57 am]  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** the real question is how did you not notice that?  
**Lockwood:** well I was a bit preoccupied with an EVIL OLD MOLDY SKULL IN MY BED  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** HEY!  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** WHO YOU CALLING OLD AND MOLDY?!?  
**George:** lucy how the fuck is it doing that?  
**Lucy:** sOMEHOW IT GOT A PHONE  
**Lucy:** AND A STYLUS???  
**Lucy:** THEYR JUST FLOATING IN THE AIR  
**Lucy:** AND IT KEEPS MOVING THEM SO I CANT STOP IT  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** LMFAO THIS IS HILARIOUS  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** shes jumping all around the room this is great  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** its like having my own personal dog  
**Lucy:** I AM NOT A DOG  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** a yappy little chihuahua  
**Lockwood:** eXCUSE ME  
**Lockwood:** Lucy would NOT be a chihuahua  
**Lockwood:** she would be an adorable Pomeranian or a gorgeous Siberian Husky  
**Lockwood:** or maybe a rare combination of the two...  
**Lockwood:** a Pomsky  
**Kipps:** pf that’s not a thing  
**Lockwood:** yES IT IS  
**Lockwood:** LOOK IT UP  
**Lockwood:** I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS A LOT  
**Lucy:** holy shit it is  
**Lucy:** theyr adorable omg  
**Lucy:**  
  
  
  
  
**Holly:** Awww  
**Kipps:** whatever, she’d probably be more of a rottweiler  
**Kipps:** but I could definitely see her as a chihuahua  
**Lucy:** HEY!  
**George:** definitely more rottweiler  
**Lockwood:** gUYS we’re getting off topic  
**Lockwood:** how the fuck did the skull get a phone?  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** ways  
**Lucy:** WHAT WAYS  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** ways.  
**Lucy:** TELL ME OR ITS BACK IN A JAR FOR YOU  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** pf i dont care  
**Lucy:** i think you do.  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** fine i took it from some woman walking by the house  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** it was easy, i just plucked it out of her pocket  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** she was too busy rushing home before it got dark to notice  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** then used the stylus on lucy's phone and added myself to the chat  
**Holly:** You have to give it back! That’s stealing!  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** hmmmm  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** let me think about that  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** how about  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** NO  
**Lucy:** DO IT OR I PUT YOU IN A JAR AND BURY YOU SO DEEP IN THE GROUND NO ONE WILL EVER FIND YOU  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** pf no you wont  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** youve been threatening that for _years_  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** we’re friends, you and I  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** you wouldnt do that to me  
**Lucy:** bet.  
**Lockwood:** Lucy, it’s fine  
**Lockwood:** we can find this woman and get her a new phone  
**George:** yeah, this is great!  
**George:** we can actually communicate with it without having lucy relate everything to us  
**Lucy:** fine.  
**Holly:** I guess that’s ok...  
**Kipps:** how is this ok?  
**Kipps:** A MALICIOUS GHOST HAS ACCESS TO THE INTERNET AND YOU THINK THIS IS FINE??????  
**Kipps:** I hate to think what it will do with reddit  
**Lucy:** wAIT  
**Lucy:** HOWD YOU KNOW MY PASSWORD  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** pf  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** it was easy  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** "lockyle"?  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** really?  
**Holly:** We can discuss this more tomorrow. We still have a busy day tomorrow. What harm can it do in four hours? Which is how long we have to sleep, I might add. You have a meeting with Mrs. Porter at nine so be awake at eight at the latest.  
**Lockwood:** yes, Holly's right  
**Lockwood:** everyone to bed  
**Lockwood:** now  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** nO  
**Lockwood:** well I don’t care what you do  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** w O W  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** i have done so much for this sorry company  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** aND WHAT THANKS DO I GET?

[4:18 am]  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** hello?  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** anyone?  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** welp time to explore the reddit

[5:43 am]  
**Flo:** what the fuck did I miss?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow ok so it is explained how the skull can type (I hope it's believable, he can canonically do things like that so it's not much of a stretch). More to come soon! All comments and kudos are appreciated!


	3. Butcher Bones is calling...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *shows up five months late with starbucks*

[8:25 am]  
**Holly:** George, if you're not down here in 5 minutes I'm siccing Lucy on you.  
**Holly:** Mrs. Porter gets here in half an hour and you know how you get without your morning donut.  
**Lucy:**  I am not your dog, Holly  
**Lucy:**  but George I will fuck you up if you aren't presentable by 9  
**Lucy:** and let me warn you, Lockwood is a kinky lil shit  
**Lockwood:** LUCY  
**Lockwood:** YOU PROMISED  
**Lockwood:** I NEED THEM TO RESPECT ME  
**Kipps:** i havent respected you since i found you crying watching the notebook  
**Lucy:** since I found your tinkerbell boxers  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** since you left me on your dresser and I had to watch you do polka renditions of Ke$ha songs in the mirror for an hour  
**Holly:** Since I found your secret Lucy shrine while dusting  
**George:** since you put on that pink wig for our sixth case together  
**Lucy:** your secret what?  
**Lockwood:** oH look George is awake!  
**Lockwood:** let's talk about that  
**Holly:** George you better be down here in two minutes in clothes without stains.  
**Holly:** This is an important case and we need to make a good impression.  
**Holly:** And we need to have this conversation about the skull.  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** who, little old me?  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** im not getting into any trouble  
**Lucy:** pf yeah thats why I got a call from someone called "Butcher Bones" asking about "the lolly" at 6 am  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** yolo  
**Flo:**  no relation  
**Holly:** What?  
**Flo:** what, just because we have similar names we have to know each other?  ahaha  
**Kipps:** literallyno one was thinking that but now I'm suspicious  
**Lockwood:** ah, Flo!  
**Lockwood:** good, I'm glad you're online  
**Lockwood:** if you could swing by around noon, we might need your help on this case  
**Flo:** you best have licorice locky  
**Lockwood:** always  
**Holly:** Those cushions better be properly fluffed by the time I come in there with the refreshments.  
**Lockwood:** shit!  
**Holly:** And don't think I haven't noticed your lack of appearance George.  
**George:** im coming im coming  
**George:** dont get ur knickers in a twist  
**Lucy:** George why is there straw in your hair?  
**Lockwood:** and mud on your cheek?  
**Flo:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
**Lockwood:** *sigh*  
**Lockwood:** go clean up  
**Kipps:** and make sure to brush your teeth your breath smells like black licorice  
**Lockwood:** and don't think I forgot about your loss of donut privileges  
**George:** F U C K  
**Holly:** Everyone get off your phones and meet me in the living room!  She gets here in three minutes!  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** ok  
**Lucy:** NOT YOU  
**Lucy:** IF YOU DO THE FLOATING CANDLESTICK TRICK IN FRONT OF ANOTHER CLIENT I WILL CASTRATE YOU  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** pf good luck with that  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** did you forget the whole _not alive_ thing?  
**Lucy:** you forget I have the number of a certain Butcher Bones who says you owe him for the frame job  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** fucking fine  
**Holly:** Phones away!  The doorbell just rang!

[10:12 am]  
**Lockwood:** well that was an overwhelming success  
**Lucy:** the skull nearly stabbed her with a steak knife!  
**Lockwood:** yeah, but she didn't  _notice_  
**Holly:** George spent half the time stuffing his face with cake and the other half talking with his mouth full!  
**Lockwood:** Is that really new though?  
**George:** you and kipps got into a literal slap fight over who got to ask her a question first!  
**Lockwood:** he was acting like a bitch ass poser  
**Kipps:** you spent the first five minutes gaping at Lucy and muttering something about how her dress brought out her ears  
**Lucy:** what does that even mean?  
**Lockwood:** she still gave us the case  
**Lockwood:** like I said, overwhelming success  
**Kipps:** whatever.  
**Lucy:** can we talk about the skull now?  
**George:** what's there to talk about?  
**George:** we have two-way communication with a type-three!  this is great news  
**Kipps:** maybe the fact that it DMed me vine compilations all night and apparently already pissed off someone named Butcher Bones who may or may not be related to flo  
**Flo:** i already told you we weren't cousins!  
**Kipps: 🤔**  
**Lockwood:** its probably fine  
**Lockwood:** I mean whats the worst it could do?  
**Holly:** Hack into your bank account and spend all our money.  
**Kipps:** get us all murdered by flo's cousin  
**Flo:** HES NOT MY COUSIN  
**George:** try to recreate Poltergeist  
**Lockwood:** OK OK STOP!  YOURE GIVING IT IDEAS!!!!  
**Lucy:** find your tumblr  
**Lockwood:** ahaha wgat tumblr?  
**Lockwood:** I dont havr a tumblr  
**Lockwood:** whats tumblr?  
**Lockwood:** shouldn't we be getting ready for the case?  
**Kipps:** you're not smooth tony  
**Lockwood:** shut up!  
**Lockwood:** really though, we should be preparing for tomorrow night  
**Lockwood:** Kipps and George, you go to the library and research the history of the house.  Bring Holly's notes from this morning's meeting.  
**Lockwood:** Holly, you work on starting a case file and make photocopies of your notes.  
**Lockwood:** Lucy and I will refill our work belts and take stock of our salt and iron stores until Flo gets here  
**Kipps:** read: make out  
**Lockwood:** no!  
**Lucy:** shouldn't someone be monitoring the skull?  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** you aint getting near my internet search history  
**Kipps:**...I dont want to ask  
**Lockwood:** it'll be fine  
**Lockwood:** whats the worst it could do in 3 hours?  
**Lucy:** I think we already answered that  
**Lucy:** but fine  
**Lucy:** it has been uncharacteristically quiet today  
**Lockwood:** ok everyone meet back here at 5pm  
**Lockwood:** Flo, you still good for noon?  
**Flo:** yep  
**Lockwood:** great  
**Lockwood:** Avengers, disperse!  
**Lucy:** what  
**George:** what  
**Kipps:** what  
**Lockwood:** I was trying something.  
**Lockwood:** it didn't work.

[2:14 pm]  
**ItsSkullyBitch:** ehehe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skully wtf did you do?
> 
> Let’s play a game called “how many 50% off references can I make in a chapter without someone noticing?”
> 
> More about the case and what they need Flo for next chapter!  
> (Lockwood's Lucy shrine is on the back of one of those full-length standing reversible mirrors like this:  
> )  
>   
> Speaking of Lockwood’s tumblr, come hmu on mine: [lockyle_and_skull](https://lockyle-and-skull.tumblr.com)


End file.
